My whole life, I was raised with this truth of God, and that He loves us and there’s the trinity, which is actually 3 in 1. Very fundamental beliefs. Before I began a relationship with Jesus, though, I knew how to fake it. You see, there was always this conviction in me that he and only he (Jesus) was the truth, but I couldn’t get over my wants; I couldn’t get over myself. My parents always sat my siblings and I down when we were younger and just read us story after story about this God I believed was there but I only pretended to believe in. I didn’t know I was pretending at the time. I had heard so many people telling me after I sinned, to not worry, that there’s forgiveness, and I’m grateful that it is true. I look back at it though, and I see that I had no idea what repentance looked like. I always heard, “turn away from your sin,” but when people would give instruction on how to do that I never listened; I was utterly prideful. With my upbringing, I got involved in ministry, and I loved it.
The problem was I thought I knew Jesus, but I didn’t. I would fake a relationship with him in front of people, so I could get away from him and feel good about giving him a piece of me; I was never satisfied. Long story short, I remember being at a conference at my old Ethiopian church during spring break of 2010, just on my knees, singing “here is my heart, you can have it all.” I learned about the gospel assurance of salvation in a real way, but still, I didn’t address my sin and thought that Jesus would want to be apart of that junk. As many times as he tried to take it away, I never let him, I was having too much fun with sin. I’m blessed to have the parents, church leaders, mentors I have, because they continually led me in wisdom and I’m grateful for that. It was my pride that held me back, my fear of rejection and intimacy with Jesus that I felt he couldn’t love me.
Again, if you know me I’ve been preaching Jesus my whole life, but I never really committed to loving him, until God answered a prayer of mine searching for a friend who would show love to me in the same way I would love them. That friends name is Jack, when I started to learn his story more I saw that as an opportunity to talk about Jesus, and jack just fell so in love with him. And that joy I experienced with this friend shot me back on a new track and Jesus renewed me. “He washed me white as snow” and I fell back in love with him and longed to obey him.
I could write a book on my transformation with small stories of great people who have invested in me but there’s to much to write. But right now I’m in the music ministry in the youth group at my church and school and God has been so evident in my life and theirs. Knowing Jesus is the best thing that there is in life, because he is life. I hope this encourages you who are reading this and I want to tell you is love to talk to you in person and just love on you as a child of God and just as a friend. Much love, Zeru