My childhood was something I would never want to repeat. From what my older sister said it was pretty idyllic until my parents divorced when I was seven. At age ten abuse from my stepfather destroyed my self-esteem and most of my memories of childhood. Until I was in my mid-thirties I could only remember back to age twelve or thirteen. By age twelve my mom and stepfather had been divorced for over a year.
But here is the most wonderful thing. The few memories I do have before age twelve are all about Jesus. Hugging my stuffed frog and telling Jesus that the hug was really for him. Singing the song “In the Garden” to myself as I went to sleep and imagining myself walking and talking with Jesus. The most cherished memory I have of Jesus were the times he rocked me to sleep. It was not the spinning you sometimes experience when you fall asleep or the dropping when your body jerks. It was the gentle rock of a rocking chair. How compassionate is our Lord, who takes the time to comfort a child that has been abused. I cannot imagine a life without Him. What a gift my parents gave me by taking me to church and raising me to know Christ as a child. During rough patches throughout my life I have experienced “mountain top” moments. They were profound and changed my perspective from my view of things to His view. But the simple comfort of rocking a child to sleep touches my heart and makes me grateful for His love for us. I can honestly say I cannot remember a day without Him.
There have been times He has seemed far from me and times when I know He’s right here. Of course He hasn’t moved, I am the one who wanders. When I pray I thank him for his love and his mercy, but also for his loving correction.