I always called myself a Christian. The truth was that I was lukewarm at best. Church on Sunday was an expectation, more of a checklist for me to complete than anything. Basically, I took the parts of the Bible I liked and applied them to my life, leaving out the stuff I thought was too over the top. Sure, I gave God a little time every day through a devotional I read, but I always raced through it to get to the more important stuff in my day. God ranked a distant fourth or fifth on my priority list with other enterprises trumping Him out (work, family, hobbies, etc). God knew He needed more from me, and I wasn’t giving it to Him. So He began to humble me.
It was the fall of 2010 when my first son was born that it started. I was overwhelmed with the early stages of fatherhood. My marriage was beginning to crumble. Lower back pain crippled my spirit, and I began to loathe my job as a teacher. Depression began to flood my soul, and when my wife became pregnant that following spring, I thought God was giving me more than I could handle. I was spinning out of control, and I told nobody of the dark thoughts haunting my mind. They were too raw, too vivid. I began to wonder if life were even worth living. It got even worse when my second son was born, and though God kept fighting for me, I decided it was time to give up. I hadn’t lost faith in God, but my faith in myself was shot.
I was hospitalized two times over a six month span. The second time my doctor told me I couldn’t return to work until things changed, and I took an extended summer break, beginning in May of 2012. I knew I needed something more to get me through life. And sure enough, there God was, waiting patient for me to come around. I humbled myself before Him and decided to resubmit my life to Him. It wasn’t a single moment but rather a gradual methodical sanctification that led me to follow Christ. The results were astounding. My marriage began to heal. I began to enjoy spending time with my toddlers. My back pain slowly began to dissipate. I found a new love for teaching that fall. I found accountability in a men’s group at my church, and I made a clear cut decision to rededicate my life to Christ in February of 2013, being born again.
Since that day I have done my best to live my life for the One who died for me. I started a faculty prayer group in my school building. I began writing a blog for Christian teachers to encourage them and inspire them with the Word of God at www.theteachersdevotional.com. (Check it out if you are an educator! It is absolutely free to follow, and it is now being read by teachers throughout the world.) I signed up to teach the 4th and 5th grade Sunday school class in my church, and I began serving as the head usher as well. God inspired me to read the entire Bible all the way through this past year, showing me all that I was missing out on. My quiet time with Him took off, and now I cannot help but praise Him for all He has done for me.
The thing that amazes me the most from my testimony is that God took the moment Satan had his most firm hold on me and somehow is letting me take that moment to spread His glory. May 7, 2012 was the worst day of my life, the lowest of the lows, yet it was likewise the best day of my life. It was on that day that I began the steady climb to the top. I am not there yet. The climb has become scenic on some days and on others I take a few steps backwards, but much like Paul, I enjoy the struggle. It hardens me. It allows me to rely more on Christ. And one day when God calls me home to eternity, I will reach that summit, and don’t you know that view will be quite the breathtaking site.